Beta Testing Fuzzy Memories

by blunicorn

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Zac It's like I never left home. Strangely poetic and deeply raw, it's incredibly sincere and sarcastic. Crack open a brew, sit your ass on your porch or in your classic Ford that you've been meaning to make repairs on for the past 15 years and crank up your speakers. It's a damn good sound. Favorite track: Uncouth.
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released July 5, 2015

Seth Lee - blunicorn

recorded on June 27, 2015 with 2 mics, a mixer, a cassette deck, and beer at "the hippy house" (aka "castle rock").
recording asst. - jonathan hope



all rights reserved


Blunicorn and the Sideshow Shitshows Hattiesburg, Mississippi

blunicorn is when i play by myself and jerk unicorn is the cover band i'm in that covers blunicorn.

the sideshow shitshows are you. you're in the band.

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Track Name: Kid Song
since i was a youngin’ i’ve always dreamed about a man
he always winds up killing me but i’m glad he understands
we’re both just animals
walking around in human clothes
animal heads on human bodies
pitted against each other in some brutal roman coliseum show

i had a friend named billy, i thought he was pretty dumb
for divin’ in the library dumpsters when we shoulda been having fun
his family was poor
but always had the best damn food
something about that macaroni and cheez
and that professional wrestlin’ on stolen satellite television
always put my sad little heart in a better mood

when i was just six i saw the devil in a dream
i was high and driving down i59 and he straightened roads out for me
to help get me home
to my vinyl-sided ballistic missile storage shed
sour straws and warheads
sour straws and i’m a warhead
Track Name: Larry is a Bigot
larry is a bigot who usually has a smart ass comment to make
every time he sees a female delivery truck driver
larry is a bigot who usually just refers to
every single black guy as ‘brother-man’
and why they all seem to like big ol’ white women
is something that larry professes to just not understand

larry is a bigot
and he don’t understand how a man could wanna get all up on
another gross ol’ hairy sweaty man
when women are so pretty
well they call larry a good ol’ boy
but i think larry's pretty fucking shitty
larry is a bigot
Track Name: A Song About My Old Stuff
when you get your good husband
he’s gonna get a whole lot of good lawn maintenance equipment
when you get your good husband
he’s gonna get that two and a half hp briggs and stratton lawn mower that cranks right up on the first pull every time
well i can’t keep up with much
but i always kept up with the oil checks

when you get your good husband
he’s gonna get that 24 carrot gold plated leaf shaped serving dish that we never used once
not a single fucking time
when you get your good husband
he’s gonna get a whole lot of good kitchen decor
well i don’t remember much from that particular time in my life
but i always remember the weight of that expensive silverware in my hands
pre package custom modular interchangeable parts ready for you
straight out of the box life
Track Name: Uncouth
your father heard you say to me:
'i can’t wait to get you home and jump in the shower with you’
he just mumbled something to himself about the ‘good ol’ days’
and dropped another bay leaf in the pot of stew
we were smoking on the front porch
by the big kitchen window
we both thought that it was closed
you thought your voice would be drowned out by the blaring sound of the local broadcast fishing show he was watching while he cooked
we were uncouth, we were talking rude
seems like it wasn’t really that long ago
but i remember it being such a defining moment of my youth

i still have the naked pictures you sent me
it’s the only reason i still hold on to that old cell phone
i pull em out, i pull myself out sometimes
when i hear a certain song
“it’s your
wedding day, your wedding day, say yes…”
even if its only to cap off the novelty- i mean i swear to god
it’s the first time i’ve ever seen you wearing a dress
when i get left alone by myself sometimes
i can be a little bit uncouth
it’s probably a little bit more than you’d like to know
but i mean look at yourself, what the hell do you expect me to do?

in the back of a truck on the side of a road
named after a gravel pit
named after someones dead racist old great granddad
mississippi public broadcast station doing their bluegrass hour- bill monroe for the seven billionth god damn time blaring in the background while i gave you everything i had
we were uncouth, just a couple of youths
Track Name: Hot Sauce
michael something was his name i think
he used to sit with me and my friends at lunch in high school
he was in special ed., but he wasn’t really that special
just a bit autistic with a low iq
we weren’t the type to think that eating lunch with a kid like him was
any sorta big social statement or favor
we’d make fun of him for putting hot sauce on his ice cream
he’d just shrug and say, ‘i guess i just like the flavor’

when he ate with lunch period a, we all called him hot sauce
put a few drops on everything on his tray,
whispered ‘thank you, lord’ and make the sign of a cross
when the sped. kids would eat with lunch period b, hamburger monster was his name
they were enamored by another unique aspect of his eating habits but
their love for hot sauce and ours was the same

i guess my plan is doing absolutely nothing
for all the fucked up shit i see in the world
and i don’t do shit with all my
white male able bodied cisgendered privileges except
eat potatoes and chase pretty girls
but i’m the type to recognize the world needs saving
but i sure as hell ‘aint no god damn savior
i just wanna see a little skin
and drink a little bit of well gin cause i
i guess i just like the flavor
Track Name: Crystal Meth
baby, when i think about you
i get that super horny coming down from crystal meth feeling
where id fuck anyone or anything just to keep my dick from
putting a hole straight through the ceiling
and it’s probably not so appealing
for me to be so revealing about my sordid past
but i just had to let you know
my dick gets really hard about your ass

when i wanna get off i usually think about you
cause it’s the easiest way to handle myself
when i’ve got a billion other little things to do
it’s not your butthole or your hands that do it for me
it’s bright red pimples on pasty white thighs

the way the elastic of your underwear
leaves that indention in your waist
and the way you swallow your pride
when you say, ‘oh blunicorn just cum all over my face’
it’s the way the bottoms of your ass cheeks peek out from between your femurs
and when you did ecstasy for the first time you said you wished you were my wiener

when i think about you i usually get that
super horny coming down (but not really coming down,
it’s right after you’ve just finished peaking, but your not really crashing yet,
you know what i’m talking about) from crystal meth feeling
i start thinking about you and that little dress you got
and the shit that it’s barely concealing
and if you were to go off to some crazy place
that just so happened to rhyme with this song, like new zealand
well i’d leave my bald rubber tires burned out on the ground
and head west towards america’s sunset and keep driving til i drown
Track Name: 23 y/o Virgin
23 year old virgin with a bit of a lazy eye
or maybe they were too close or a little crossed
i can’t remember
she didn’t have religion or fucked up genitalia
or any glaring personality flaws or a romantic aversion to any gender

typical tuesday on a freezing cold 2006 december
with the only blunicorn member

2 or 3 times i tried sitting next to her on the couch
while 2 or 3 of our mutual friends would hang out on 2 or 3 day benders
the way i felt when she disappeared into that back room
with those two skinny meth dealers
for about an hour and a half
i’m glad i was too fucked up to remember

typical tuesday on a freezing cold 2006 december
looks like i’ll always be holdin' on to the only blunicorn member