post​-​blackened folkgaze

by Jerk Unicorn

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Jerk Unicorn is a cover band comprised of the members of Blunicorn that covers Bluenicorn songs.


released January 31, 2016

Producer: Jonny Hopeful
Drums: Bash Sparklehoof
Guitar, Voice: Macho Rainbow
Track 5: The Actual Lady Killers



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Blunicorn and the Sideshow Shitshows Hattiesburg, Mississippi

blunicorn is when i play by myself and jerk unicorn is the cover band i'm in that covers blunicorn.

the sideshow shitshows are you. you're in the band.

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Track Name: First Luvst
people say they love you
b a e
what they mean is "I think you're neat and I like to fuck you,"
sometimes I believe
the things they scream when they get wrapped up around me
people say they need you
but what they need is a validated sense of self-esteem
so when I say "I love you"
I just mean to try to get you to say that you love me

f a f
I don't think you ever even told anyone I was your boyfriend
it was just a rumor at our school
but I still have that dance step diagram you drew
with a note that said "learn this by your sister's wedding- I love this dance!"

her green eyes would gleam
they shined like laser balls and disco beams
--- she was a sight to behold
--- she was something to be held
--- it was like nothing I'd ever seen
and I loved her like a machine
sowing semen
---sowing semen
---sewing seams in between her knees, like my favorite pair of genes
and when she said she needs me
what she'd mean is her body fiends for something her [...] to be unclean
and when I said I loved her
I'd just mean to try to get her to say [...] to say that she loved me
Track Name: Hot Sauce
f d
"michael-something" was his name, I think
c f
he used to [sit with me and my friends at lunch] in high school
he was in special ed, but he wasn't really that special
just a bit autistic with a low i.q.
we weren't the type to think that eating lunch with a kid like him was
any sort of social statement or favor
so we made fun of him for putting hot sauce on his ice cream
he'd just shrug and say "I guess I just like the flavor,"

d c a e
when he ate with lunch period A, we all called him "hot sauce,"
he'd put a few drops on everything on his tray, whisper "thank you lord" and make the sign of the cross,
when the sped kids would eat with lunch period B
"hamburger monster" was his name
they were enamored by another unique aspect of his eating habits
but their love of hot sauce and ours was the same

I guess my plan is doing absolutely nothing
for all the fucked up shit I see in the world
I don't do shit with all my cisgendered/able-bodied/white/male privilege except
eat potatoes and chase pretty girls
I'm the type to recognize the world needs saving
but I sure as hell ain't no goddamn savior
I just wanna see a little skin and drink a little bit of well gin
'cause I guess I just like the flavor
Track Name: Crystal Meth II
e a d e
I hate we have to get drunk every time we fuck
a g
'cause I can't remember what you look like naked
when I'm beating myself up
I bet your cute fat ass is squishy and nobody's tits are finer
but I just can't recall what they look like at all despite all the time spent inside your vagina

c f c
this is just another love song
this is just another love song
I can't breathe and I can't dream
I can't breathe and I can't dream
all I do is write you love songs
all I do is write you love songs
all I do is write you love songs like this one

I guess when it comes to pretty ladies, well I've gotten pretty lucky
'cause I'm crazy as shit, my band sucks, and I'm fucking ugly
and I'll remember each one of them long after I've forgotten my name
but I just fucked you last night and it's all a blur and it's all a shame
Track Name: Worn Out Tape
[I am not garth brooks]

this ol' highway's getting longer
it seems there ain't no end in sight
to sleep would be best, but I just can't afford to rest
gotta ride in Denver tomorrow night
I call the house but no one answers
for the past two weeks no one's been home
she says she's through with me
and to tell the truth I just can't see
what kept that woman hanging on this long

and the white line's getting longer and the saddle's getting cold
I'm much too young to feel this damn old
all the cards are on the table, ain't no ace left in the hole
I'm much too young to feel this damn old

the competition's getting younger
tougher broncs- you know I can't recall
a worn out tape of chris ledoux,
lonely women, and bad booze
seem to be the only friends I have left at all

[an approximation of the chorus]
Track Name: Post-Blackened Folkgaze
I was born on the pearl riverside
I stole my name from the grandson of god
the heat-shimmered light made the world look fucked up
so I've hated it all for all of my life

I have lived with papercuts between my toes
beating myself over the shoulder and sucking water up my nose
the blood in my eyes makes the world look fucked up
so I've hated it all for all of my life

I've died three times since I started this tune
reborn, I keep finding the lyrics with you
so I steal and I cut to get myself in the mood
to fuck around, wait to die again, and tell these stupid jokes

[If a lesser woman gives me a daughter, I hope she's just like you- as intense as the heat and unpredictable as rain on a Hattiesburg July afternoon.]